Will you blow on my dice?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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