I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
