when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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