I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
