Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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