my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
