The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
