haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
