there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
