I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
