she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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