my vag is so smooth its legendary
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
