ya dads aren't the best wingmen
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
