I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
