I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
