some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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