No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
