He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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