She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
