somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
