I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
can u get pink eye on your cock?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
