I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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