I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
