Nicole vs. Life
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
