i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
