oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
