You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
