If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
