he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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