i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
