have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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