Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
