im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
im drinking this country out of the recession.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Too much gin, very little bucket
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
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