I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
