There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
