I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
