ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
