You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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