She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I touched a dick in church today
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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