are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
