They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
