I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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