I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i love accidental penises.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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