So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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