I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
