I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
