: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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