I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
