can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
