I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
