Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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